Each child feels ignored

My theme is seven and the series is seven situations unique to a mother of two
The second situation is both the children feel they are ignored or not loved enough


Fighting the accusation You don't love me enough

 

If you are a mom of two, you have had this conversation quite a few times. Whatever the age gap both the children believe that they are ignored and how much ever you try convincing them otherwise, it will have no effect. You will just keep going round in circles with no results.

You Don’t Love Me Enough

This is the first allegation that you will counter once the new baby arrives. The first kid will feel left out, especially with the new baby’s feed – sleep cycle the older child will feel ‘mumma’ spends the most time with the baby and dad goes to work, so nobody cares for them. My kid had high expectations when the second one arrived. She assumed that we will take the baby to play area from day one and she could ‘play’ (read running and hide-n-seek with the baby) So, you can imagine her disappointment when she realized that all the baby did was eat – sleep- cry- repeat. Not even the cute smiles that television ads show-off! She even suggested that as the baby wasn’t doing much and was kinda boring we should think of returning him! As if babies come with a 30-day return policy!

Initially, I felt maybe I was doing something wrong and was to be blamed for this feeling in my older kid, but then I heard experiences from other mom’s and realized this is a natural phase that the child goes through. They require time to accept the presence of this new human being.

All good things happened when Bhaiyya was a baby!

This is what you will hear from the younger ones. There are more photos and videos of the older one, there are more celebrations, better toys (the younger one usually gets hand-me-down’s especially costly toys) Their ‘nakhras’ aren’t taken that seriously! Reason’s are numerous, but generally, it does happen. It doesn’t mean we love the younger child any less. It’s just that we have learned a few lessons in life.  But explaining that to the child is next to impossible.

Below is a conversation that three children in the age group of 5-7 were having at the school bus-stop. Two are older kids and the other is a younger sibling. “Kid 1 – Since the baby has arrived nobody seems to love me. Kid 2- Don’t worry! Things will be okay in a few days. Kid 3 (who is younger) – Yeah, don’t worry in a few months they won’t love that baby also!!”

It was funny to realize that children too discuss parents just as parents discuss their children! But it also made me realize that children do compare notes and try and use their friend’s advice at home, just like parents. So if my kid comes with this ‘You don’t love me enough story, with large innocent eyes, I know there is something else at play!’
So, if you are planning to have child two, brace yourself for many ‘Dhara Ad’ like moments! Remember the ad, where the child says ‘Sab gussa kar rahe hai, main ghar chod ke jaa raha hu!” You might feel all mushy, but also remember the kids are darn smart and do know how to play the emotional card.

I am linking this post to #BarAThon from Blogarhythm Season 2

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Post Author: nehagpatwardhan

Neha Tambe is a freelance social media marketer, writer and influencer. Founder and Owner of nehatambe.com.

22 thoughts on “Each child feels ignored

    Roshan R

    (June 19, 2017 - 2:07 pm)

    haha.. I hate to say it but you’re absolutely right. Was watching a few couples with kids recently and invariably, there was a sense of jealousy and need to prove one better than the other amongst the kids. It was very weird for me as I imagined kids would be busy happily playing with their siblings. This even came down to who cried the loudest… as you can imagine, the parents were exhausted!
    Roshan R recently posted…14 movies that were better than their books (and 14 that were just as good) #BarathonMy Profile

      nehagpatwardhan

      (June 19, 2017 - 2:09 pm)

      Who cried the loudest!! Oh! God, poor parents.. especially in the current world where everyone seems to be showing off their well mannered kids

    Akshata

    (June 19, 2017 - 2:25 pm)

    Loved the conversation among the 3 kids. I have only one who is the centre of attraction now but if I think of my childhood days somehow this kind of thing never existed between my brother and me. In fact after we grew older and till recently we used to tease each other Mumma loves me more😊

      nehagpatwardhan

      (June 19, 2017 - 4:02 pm)

      I guess this is prevelant in ages between 4- 8 years. After that it kind of mellow’s down and stop seeing the other as a rival but more of an ally

    Pooja Sharma Rao

    (June 19, 2017 - 2:55 pm)

    I don’t know this being an only child, and now mom to an only child.
    My post http://poojasharmarao.blogspot.in/2017/06/life-of-pie.html

      nehagpatwardhan

      (June 19, 2017 - 4:03 pm)

      I am sure a mom of one has her set of challenges

    Atulmaharaj

    (June 19, 2017 - 3:31 pm)

    Wonderful piece Nehaji. Loved the conversation bit, its sad but true as you’ve mentioned.
    Atulmaharaj recently posted…Places to eat in Nanded – restaurants and food stallsMy Profile

      nehagpatwardhan

      (June 19, 2017 - 3:57 pm)

      Thank you for reading Atul

    Balaka Basu

    (June 19, 2017 - 4:00 pm)

    I was a single child and a mother to one…so do not have any first hand experience yet I can relate to it..good and enjoyable post

      nehagpatwardhan

      (June 19, 2017 - 4:04 pm)

      Thanks for stopping by balaka. I am sure you have a different take on these situations 🙂

    Hiral

    (June 19, 2017 - 4:04 pm)

    This is so true!! Enjoyed every bit of it and took a ride into memory lane through my childhood!
    Hiral recently posted…Visiting Sudha Cars Museum, Hyderabad.My Profile

      nehagpatwardhan

      (June 19, 2017 - 4:05 pm)

      Hahaha.. So who were you? The older or the younger one? I was the older child so I know how they sulk :p

    Life of a referee – Busy Creating

    (June 19, 2017 - 5:47 pm)

    […] an umpire where your decisions are seen with suspicion, nobody is ever happy with you and somehow both believe that you favor the other as if this wasn’t a family but an India-Pakistan […]

    Bushra

    (June 19, 2017 - 6:05 pm)

    Amazing take. these feelings of jealousy and comparison with my siblings follows me a lot in childhood days Great read

      nehagpatwardhan

      (June 19, 2017 - 6:15 pm)

      Thank you for sharing your take by Dr. Bushra

    Shivi chinnappa

    (June 19, 2017 - 7:41 pm)

    True.. I can relate each and every line with my life . My elder one constantly saying this even for small things. And now he is doing better than the beginning years with his brother.. the conversation between the kids made me laugh.. nice post ..

    Amrita Basu

    (June 20, 2017 - 8:27 am)

    Loved the bus stop conversation betwwen the 3 children. Seriously it’s impossible to explain .But children really are smart .
    Amrita Basu recently posted…Monday Mommy moments :Parenting Together (25)My Profile

    Namratha Varadharajan

    (June 20, 2017 - 9:30 am)

    I can imagine that conversation happening between some kids I know. My brother and I weren’t into too much of sibling rivalry, maybe because of 5 years gap. I have ‘high hopes’ that my kids are going to be the same
    Namratha Varadharajan recently posted…Life of Pie #BarAThonMy Profile

    Manisha Garg

    (June 20, 2017 - 1:13 pm)

    I thought a lot of similar stuff when I was a child

    dipika singh

    (June 20, 2017 - 2:03 pm)

    Hahaha… I loved this post, so darn true 😉
    I have just one kid and when it comes to emotional ‘atyachar’ she is miles ahead from us.

    upasna

    (June 20, 2017 - 2:54 pm)

    I am the elder one and my Mother told me this that I was extremely jealous that I used to ask my Mom to throw him and hold me instead in her lap. Wish I would manage well when my second one comes.

    Shilpa Garg

    (June 20, 2017 - 3:32 pm)

    I am still laughing at the third kid’s response. 😀
    Agree with you completely. Kids do feel that they are ignored when compared to their other sibling. And when they say it aloud it surely makes parents drown with guilt.
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…7 Reasons to Travel SoloMy Profile

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