How to listen to your children and how to talk so that they will listen to you

Many parents find it difficult to set up good communication channels with their child. Many parents find that they spend the majority of their time yelling at their child in hopes to change their behavior. When a parent yells over many days, then the child starts to just tune it out. If this is happening in your home or you just want to communicate better with your child, then be sure to follow these tips.

Listening to Your Child

Use your body language to show your child that you are truly listening. Get down to their level so that your eyes can meet on the level.

You need to spend time actively listening to your child. Put down your phone, turn off the television and listen to what they are trying to tell you. Do not think about what you should say to your child, how petty their feelings seem to you or let yourself become distracted by side conversation or the multitude of things that you need to accomplish in the next hour. They will only be little for a short time and right now they need you to be their guide and mentor.

Use your body language to show your child that you are truly listening. Get down to their level so that your eyes can meet on the level. Nod occasionally to show that you are hearing them. Even if you disagree with what they are saying, let them talk until they take a natural break. If you find yourself becoming emotionally involved in a negative way, then take deep breaths allowing your child to continue until they are done talking.

Mimic back to the child what you hear them saying. For example, if they say that “Johnnie is no longer my friend because he threw a toy at me.” Then, repeat what you heard your child say. For example say, ” I hear you telling me that Johnnie threw a toy at you so you know longer want him to be your friend.” Ask your child if your summary is correct.

If there are any points that are unclear to you, ask your child to clarify them. In addition, if you are having trouble figuring out a particular word, then repeat the sentence back to the child word for word. You will benefit from knowing exactly what your child says, and they will benefit from hearing the word said correctly.

As parents, we often want to rush in and fix a situation when all your child wants is to tell you about it. Therefore, after your child has told you about an event, ask them what they want to do about it. If your child wants you to get involved, then he will let you know. Otherwise, ask questions of your child until they have created a responsible game plan that they are willing to follow.

Give your child time to follow the game plan that they have created. Then, ask them about what happened. This lets your child know that you were listening, that you truly care and that you are proud of them for creating a reasonable plan and carrying through with it.

Getting Your Child to Listen to You

 

If you have asked your child to do something and they have failed to do it, then do not repeat yourself at a higher volume as the child will turn you out even more. When possible, pick a time to talk to the child when they are not busy doing something else. Make sure that you never belittle them in front of their friends. Start by getting down on their level, and make sure that you do not begin until you have their full attention.

Keep the message short and to the point. Too many parents dilute the message by using too many words. You are the parent, and you have the right to tell your child what to do as long as you are being reasonable. Make sure to use words that they will understand.

Ask the child if they have any questions about what you told them. Even if you are in a hurry, take the time to answer any questions using words that they will comprehend. Then, ask them to repeat back to you what you have said using their own words. Taking this step helps ensure that they have listened and that they understand what you want them to know or do.

Communicating with children takes time, but they are your main priority. Take the time to communicate with them effectively, and they will take this skill with them through the rest of their lives.

Found this helpful Infographic on Growing Hands on Kids

 pick a time to talk to the child when they are not busy doing something else.

This is a guest post written by Erica Johnson, who writes about parenting and family

I want to start 2018 with the word ‘Change-maker’ I don’t want to be routine and mundane. I want to bring about some change and touch some lives

What do I want from my life? #MondayMusing #Goals2018

“Resolutions are meant to be broken!” this is an adage that I firmly believed in and hence never made any resolutions! Yup, not one in the last 30+ years! It just felt like a fad and something that people did to put on Facebook or Instagram or wherever. It just didn’t appeal to me, but something changed last year.

Till last year, I was always busy with something, earlier it was education, then job, then home and then kids. But last year, my kid asked me ‘Who are you?’ Apart from being my mom?

Now, let me take a step back here – My daughter and her friends were discussing what their mom’s do! Most of the children had their mom’s working or doing some kind of business and my child was not aware about the words freelancer or home-maker, so she was a bit lost, when it came to explaining what her mom did! She worked yeah, but not in the typical sense of picking her bag and going to office, nor did my daughter go to a day-care to complete the picture (her words, not mine!)

Explaining Freelancer, was the toughest thing that I have done till date and I am not quite sure she gets it, but terming my desk ‘home-office’ have solved the problems for now. But it made me think, ‘Who am I?’

Instead of going for a long quest and founding some religion, I chose a simpler path and focused on my ‘blog’ I wanted to make a difference in some way or the other and thought my blog will help me do that. I started 2017 with ‘Focus’ as my word. And as I did a #Rewind2017 post I realized I had a lot to be thankful for.

I want to start 2018 with the word ‘Change-maker’ I don’t want to be routine and mundane. I want to bring about some change and touch some lives

I want to start 2018 with the word ‘Change-maker’ I don’t want to be routine and mundane. I want to bring about some change and touch some lives! I want to light a thousand sparks that will keep someone warm and show the way to someone who is lost! #LearnNotEducate is one such spark that I wish to spread in 2018.

Linking my post with #MondayMusings

Ways to Deal with Online Gaming and Mobile Addiction among Teens – Guest Post


Top post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers

We all use computers and mobile phones. Sometimes it’s for work, sometimes for fun, but the problem arises when our children start overusing the Internet for online gaming and visiting social networks. Luckily, if you realize your teenager has a problem, there are ways to help them.

Limit the use of technology

Don’t forbid it, because it will only cause them to rebel and they will find a way to go online without you knowing. Instead, limit it so that your child is allowed to spend some time online every day, but be sure you’re in control and you know exactly when your child is playing online games or visiting social media. Talk to your child and explain why it’s important for them not to spend too much time online. Tell them that they would be given a reasonable amount of time for gaming and chatting with their friends online, but encourage them to spend more time with their friends without technology. Suggest social games, teach them how to play cards, Monopoly or Risk and they will soon realize that their computers and phones aren’t the only things they enjoy.

Photo credit Pexel


Include the whole family

Limiting the use of social media alone won’t be enough if you don’t find your child something else to do, too. However, be careful with your choice of activities. Teenagers don’t really want to spend time doing chores. They will usually find excuses not to do them and go online instead, so you need to make the work look like fun. This can easily be achieved if you set a good example and do the chores along with them. If your child sees the whole family cheerfully doing something together, they will perceive it as quality family time. Begin with simple tasks, such as decluttering and tidying things in your home, since that way it’s possible for each family member to participate. Get rid of anything unnecessary, such as old toys or clothes they’ve outgrown. Organize everything in boxes using home gadgets like a label maker and donate it. Be sure to do it together, to create the sense of teamwork. These seemingly simple activities have a positive impact on the whole family. They will not only distract your teenager from social networks and online gaming, but will bring you all closer together.

Spend time outdoors

Find parks or walking tracks near you and go trekking or have a picnic. Spend every weekend outside with your children, go on field trips and show them there’s fun to be had without the use of technology. Go sightseeing. Wherever you live, there has to be something significant or beautiful there that your child hasn’t seen yet. If possible, get your child a dog. Gather your family, go to a shelter together, and choose a dog for adoption. Your child will know that you value their opinion if you let them decide. This will make your teenager happy, teach them about responsibilities and give them a reason to spend more time outside.

Do sports

Find a sport your child likes and have them take it up. It doesn’t even have to be a team sport. Whatever they choose to practice, it will keep them away from their computers and phones. It will also give them the opportunity to meet other children their age and with similar interests, which will probably make them want to spend more time with their peers. Plus, your child will be healthier and happier if they’re physically active. Attend their games, matches or competitions and cheer for them. It will show them you’re proud of them and give them more incentive to keep up what they’re doing.

As parents, our main duty is to do everything we can for our child to be healthy and happy. So, pay attention to your teenager’s habits, be sure to catch the signs of addiction as soon as possible and solve the problems you have together, as a family. And always find time to talk to your child and let them know they always have your support.

author Bio

Claire is a personal and professional development expert who believes that a positive attitude is one of the keys to success. You can find her online writing and giving tips about lifestyle and development as a regular contributor at highstylife.com.

You can connect with her on 

facebook.com/clairenadams

twitter.com/adamsnclaire

India at 70 and what do I expect from India at 80?

India enters its 71st year of independence. We have gained a lot in these 70 years, however there is a lot more to be achieved. As a woman, born in Free India I still want a few things to change and a few replaced and as a mother I dream of a certain future for my children. This is a post about those wants and aspirations.

Manyavar did an ad of India- 70 not out and that quite sums up India’s journey of the past 70 years. I loved it.

But I also believe there is a lot more that needs to be done. I am a woman and a mother and I am drawing my list from my experiences and what I see around

What Freedom means to me as a Woman

  • Freedom for me means I can take a walk or go about my life fearlessly, be it morning or night.
  • Freedom for me means not being slotted as an ‘abala naari who always needs a ‘man’s’ help
  • I don’t want extra benefits like reservation for being a woman but I want equal opportunities and rights
  • As a woman, I want people to ask me about my dreams and my ambitions, and not about when I am planning to ‘settle down’
  • I want the freedom to be able to choose between being a SAHM, working mom, entrepreneur, part-time work or be content in being a homemaker and not be judged for my decisions.
  • Freedom from being portrayed in a certain image in our serials and the burden of carrying that out in the real world.
  • Freedom from being expected to do only certain kinds of jobs. Cooking, Cleaning, and Child-rearing need not be allotted to a woman by the society. It needs to be the duty of each partner irrespective of gender.
  • Freedom means being something more than ‘a hot piece of ass’, ‘a dumb maiden,’  or a ‘damsel in distress’
  • Freedom means not worrying if I would be able to get back to work after having a kid

Freedom to me as a mother and a woman in India

What Freedom means to me as a Mother

  • Freedom to happily welcome my baby in this world, be it a girl or a boy
  • Freedom to find the right balance between my family and my personal ambitions
  • Inclusive and supportive workplaces that respect Work-Life balance
  • Freedom of letting my children live their lives on their terms and not be bogged down with ‘Log Kya Kahenge’ or ‘Girls shouldn’t be doing this’
  • Freedom to inspire my children to dream big and achieve whatever they wish for in our country
  • Ensuring that my daughter knows ‘being fair skinned’ is not an achievement and finding a ‘fair wife’ is not the biggest accomplishment in life. Beauty should not be just skin deep.
  •  Respecting everyone and not-judging people based on their body type, skin type, kind of job they do or their educational qualifications. The most educated and wealthy may lack basic civic sense and the most illiterate might have a heart of gold. See good in others.
  • Respecting a hard-working person, irrespective of the kind of work he/she does. No work is big or small as long as it is being done with good intent and complete honesty.
  • Freedom from the fear of “Will my children’s career or educational prospects me hampered because of – caste, corruption, red-tapism or donations”

What are your dreams and aspirations for India after 80 years of Independence? Do share and add your ideas to those above.

Linking the post for #MondayMommyMoments #MMM and #MondayMusings

http://everydaygyaan.com/dear-old-world/

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Hardest part of Motherhood

Parenting is a tough job. It seriously is, and let nobody tell you otherwise. You are responsible for a life and every decision of yours will have direct or indirect repercussions on that tiny being. This itself should scare you, and rightly so, as only then will you be a good parent. Right from the time you conceive till the end of your life, you will face many challenges as a parent; they are different at every stage and nothing prepares you for it, but as the topic talks about hardest part of being a mother, I will stick to that. So what is the hardest part of being a mom? While I still have to experience a lot, I will touch upon the things that I have seen or experienced till date in my journey of being a mother.

Being a new mom-

Being a first-time mom was the hardest part of my parenting journey. No amount of books prepared me for what lay in store. Though it’s a wonderful feeling, it is an uphill task.Firstly, your sense of privacy is evaded with the whole delivery process then come the endless feed sessions, baby latching problems, sleepless days, all this and more leaves you exhausted. Add to it the post-partum depression, hormonal changes, the recovery time etc., you simply feel bogged down by everything. There was a point where I felt I made the biggest mistake of my life by deciding to have a baby. There is also the nervousness of messing something up which takes a toll on you. Those initial days were the hardest weeks with my newborn. The second time around I was better equipped and I also knew that though the first few weeks are hard, they do get over and a sense of normalcy will prevail.

Having to deal with the innocent age –

The odd age when the child is not old enough to understand everything and not young enough to be fooled is another hard time for a mother. For example – They understand the entertainment avenues and see the hep, pulsating songs and want to gyrate on it but as a mother and an adult, I also understand the double-meaning vulgar words that are being mouthed. How do you explain that to a child? The first innocent crush that the child experiences might not be seen as just that by others. The innocent urge to enact their favorite hero/heroines moves or acts might actually be vulgar, evading privacy or dangerous. How do you communicate that to the child without being harsh?

First crush

Being prepared and helping the children grow up –

This isn’t as simple as it sounds! Till the child is small you can enforce rules, monitor, and put some kind of regulation on what they watch, what influences them, who are they with etc. but after they are independent enough to make these decisions how do you safeguard their interests while not being seen as intrusive? It’s a tightrope to walk. The hardest part in this stage of parenting is watching. The new feelings that the children experience, right from their first crush to their heartbreak, the peer-pressure, the new world order, all this and more is what the child will want to be a part of and as a parent all we can do is watch and maybe hold an umbrella for them in the face of a storm.

These are some of the hardest things that I feel one has to deal while being a mother. I am sure there are much more. What are your thoughts? Have you faced any such problems or do you have a solution to offer? Would love to hear it

Linking this up with  #Mondaymommymoments or #MMM with Dr. Amrita and Deepa Gandhi

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