Ways to Deal with Online Gaming and Mobile Addiction among Teens – Guest Post


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We all use computers and mobile phones. Sometimes it’s for work, sometimes for fun, but the problem arises when our children start overusing the Internet for online gaming and visiting social networks. Luckily, if you realize your teenager has a problem, there are ways to help them.

Limit the use of technology

Don’t forbid it, because it will only cause them to rebel and they will find a way to go online without you knowing. Instead, limit it so that your child is allowed to spend some time online every day, but be sure you’re in control and you know exactly when your child is playing online games or visiting social media. Talk to your child and explain why it’s important for them not to spend too much time online. Tell them that they would be given a reasonable amount of time for gaming and chatting with their friends online, but encourage them to spend more time with their friends without technology. Suggest social games, teach them how to play cards, Monopoly or Risk and they will soon realize that their computers and phones aren’t the only things they enjoy.

Photo credit Pexel


Include the whole family

Limiting the use of social media alone won’t be enough if you don’t find your child something else to do, too. However, be careful with your choice of activities. Teenagers don’t really want to spend time doing chores. They will usually find excuses not to do them and go online instead, so you need to make the work look like fun. This can easily be achieved if you set a good example and do the chores along with them. If your child sees the whole family cheerfully doing something together, they will perceive it as quality family time. Begin with simple tasks, such as decluttering and tidying things in your home, since that way it’s possible for each family member to participate. Get rid of anything unnecessary, such as old toys or clothes they’ve outgrown. Organize everything in boxes using home gadgets like a label maker and donate it. Be sure to do it together, to create the sense of teamwork. These seemingly simple activities have a positive impact on the whole family. They will not only distract your teenager from social networks and online gaming, but will bring you all closer together.

Spend time outdoors

Find parks or walking tracks near you and go trekking or have a picnic. Spend every weekend outside with your children, go on field trips and show them there’s fun to be had without the use of technology. Go sightseeing. Wherever you live, there has to be something significant or beautiful there that your child hasn’t seen yet. If possible, get your child a dog. Gather your family, go to a shelter together, and choose a dog for adoption. Your child will know that you value their opinion if you let them decide. This will make your teenager happy, teach them about responsibilities and give them a reason to spend more time outside.

Do sports

Find a sport your child likes and have them take it up. It doesn’t even have to be a team sport. Whatever they choose to practice, it will keep them away from their computers and phones. It will also give them the opportunity to meet other children their age and with similar interests, which will probably make them want to spend more time with their peers. Plus, your child will be healthier and happier if they’re physically active. Attend their games, matches or competitions and cheer for them. It will show them you’re proud of them and give them more incentive to keep up what they’re doing.

As parents, our main duty is to do everything we can for our child to be healthy and happy. So, pay attention to your teenager’s habits, be sure to catch the signs of addiction as soon as possible and solve the problems you have together, as a family. And always find time to talk to your child and let them know they always have your support.

author Bio

Claire is a personal and professional development expert who believes that a positive attitude is one of the keys to success. You can find her online writing and giving tips about lifestyle and development as a regular contributor at highstylife.com.

You can connect with her on 

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twitter.com/adamsnclaire

India at 70 and what do I expect from India at 80?

India enters its 71st year of independence. We have gained a lot in these 70 years, however there is a lot more to be achieved. As a woman, born in Free India I still want a few things to change and a few replaced and as a mother I dream of a certain future for my children. This is a post about those wants and aspirations.

Manyavar did an ad of India- 70 not out and that quite sums up India’s journey of the past 70 years. I loved it.

But I also believe there is a lot more that needs to be done. I am a woman and a mother and I am drawing my list from my experiences and what I see around

What Freedom means to me as a Woman

  • Freedom for me means I can take a walk or go about my life fearlessly, be it morning or night.
  • Freedom for me means not being slotted as an ‘abala naari who always needs a ‘man’s’ help
  • I don’t want extra benefits like reservation for being a woman but I want equal opportunities and rights
  • As a woman, I want people to ask me about my dreams and my ambitions, and not about when I am planning to ‘settle down’
  • I want the freedom to be able to choose between being a SAHM, working mom, entrepreneur, part-time work or be content in being a homemaker and not be judged for my decisions.
  • Freedom from being portrayed in a certain image in our serials and the burden of carrying that out in the real world.
  • Freedom from being expected to do only certain kinds of jobs. Cooking, Cleaning, and Child-rearing need not be allotted to a woman by the society. It needs to be the duty of each partner irrespective of gender.
  • Freedom means being something more than ‘a hot piece of ass’, ‘a dumb maiden,’  or a ‘damsel in distress’
  • Freedom means not worrying if I would be able to get back to work after having a kid

Freedom to me as a mother and a woman in India

What Freedom means to me as a Mother

  • Freedom to happily welcome my baby in this world, be it a girl or a boy
  • Freedom to find the right balance between my family and my personal ambitions
  • Inclusive and supportive workplaces that respect Work-Life balance
  • Freedom of letting my children live their lives on their terms and not be bogged down with ‘Log Kya Kahenge’ or ‘Girls shouldn’t be doing this’
  • Freedom to inspire my children to dream big and achieve whatever they wish for in our country
  • Ensuring that my daughter knows ‘being fair skinned’ is not an achievement and finding a ‘fair wife’ is not the biggest accomplishment in life. Beauty should not be just skin deep.
  •  Respecting everyone and not-judging people based on their body type, skin type, kind of job they do or their educational qualifications. The most educated and wealthy may lack basic civic sense and the most illiterate might have a heart of gold. See good in others.
  • Respecting a hard-working person, irrespective of the kind of work he/she does. No work is big or small as long as it is being done with good intent and complete honesty.
  • Freedom from the fear of “Will my children’s career or educational prospects me hampered because of – caste, corruption, red-tapism or donations”

What are your dreams and aspirations for India after 80 years of Independence? Do share and add your ideas to those above.

Linking the post for #MondayMommyMoments #MMM and #MondayMusings

http://everydaygyaan.com/dear-old-world/

MMM    

HEALTHWEALTHBRIDGE

 

Hardest part of Motherhood

Parenting is a tough job. It seriously is, and let nobody tell you otherwise. You are responsible for a life and every decision of yours will have direct or indirect repercussions on that tiny being. This itself should scare you, and rightly so, as only then will you be a good parent. Right from the time you conceive till the end of your life, you will face many challenges as a parent; they are different at every stage and nothing prepares you for it, but as the topic talks about hardest part of being a mother, I will stick to that. So what is the hardest part of being a mom? While I still have to experience a lot, I will touch upon the things that I have seen or experienced till date in my journey of being a mother.

Being a new mom-

Being a first-time mom was the hardest part of my parenting journey. No amount of books prepared me for what lay in store. Though it’s a wonderful feeling, it is an uphill task.Firstly, your sense of privacy is evaded with the whole delivery process then come the endless feed sessions, baby latching problems, sleepless days, all this and more leaves you exhausted. Add to it the post-partum depression, hormonal changes, the recovery time etc., you simply feel bogged down by everything. There was a point where I felt I made the biggest mistake of my life by deciding to have a baby. There is also the nervousness of messing something up which takes a toll on you. Those initial days were the hardest weeks with my newborn. The second time around I was better equipped and I also knew that though the first few weeks are hard, they do get over and a sense of normalcy will prevail.

Having to deal with the innocent age –

The odd age when the child is not old enough to understand everything and not young enough to be fooled is another hard time for a mother. For example – They understand the entertainment avenues and see the hep, pulsating songs and want to gyrate on it but as a mother and an adult, I also understand the double-meaning vulgar words that are being mouthed. How do you explain that to a child? The first innocent crush that the child experiences might not be seen as just that by others. The innocent urge to enact their favorite hero/heroines moves or acts might actually be vulgar, evading privacy or dangerous. How do you communicate that to the child without being harsh?

First crush

Being prepared and helping the children grow up –

This isn’t as simple as it sounds! Till the child is small you can enforce rules, monitor, and put some kind of regulation on what they watch, what influences them, who are they with etc. but after they are independent enough to make these decisions how do you safeguard their interests while not being seen as intrusive? It’s a tightrope to walk. The hardest part in this stage of parenting is watching. The new feelings that the children experience, right from their first crush to their heartbreak, the peer-pressure, the new world order, all this and more is what the child will want to be a part of and as a parent all we can do is watch and maybe hold an umbrella for them in the face of a storm.

These are some of the hardest things that I feel one has to deal while being a mother. I am sure there are much more. What are your thoughts? Have you faced any such problems or do you have a solution to offer? Would love to hear it

Linking this up with  #Mondaymommymoments or #MMM with Dr. Amrita and Deepa Gandhi

MMM tangy-tuesday pick

HEALTHWEALTHBRIDGE

 

 

Vacation and Homework

This is a series where I give a peek into my family – A gang of doers
I am a Digital Marketer who works from home and at any given point in time is oscillating between being a supermom and a train wreck. Hubby dear is a cool guy with a mean neatness streak! On any given day he would prefer keeping things organized and cleaning up instead of taking his kids to the park or mingling with people! Darling daughter is still undecided if she wants to be a Diva or a Dangal girl, and the result is that I am either keeping her accessories away from my brat or being a referee between her and my younger kiddo. The youngest in the family is my brat who has learned the art of deception quiet early and hence though he looks saintly, there is a manipulative side somewhere underneath. That’s me and my family.


vacation and homework

Vacation means fun for kids and melting point for mum

 

This is a major bone of contention between me and my DD. She believes in doing everything at the last-minute and me knowing, how those last minutes are, prefer getting it done before she gets on with her fun activities.

Me: Let’s get done with your summer homework before our yearly family vacation begins. We can get it done in 10 days

DD- But we still have 15 days before the vacation starts so I will do what I like for the next 5 days ( read watch TV and while away her time)

ME- It’s 10 days before vacation starts, let’s get done with your homework.

DD- Whips out the homework list from her closet and starts reading aloud. For number 1 and 2 you need to bring me x,y,z things. For 4 and 5 we need your laptop and internet. 6 and 7 are kinda boring and I am in no mood to do that now. 8 and 9 are story reading and I am done with that.

ME (gingerly)– Let’s start with number 3 and 10 then? That’s maths and you enjoy doing that.

DD– Keeps looking at the paper with squint eyes trying to make them disappear magically.

My DD when asked about homework

It’s 3 days before vacation and we are nowhere near homework completion

ME – (Voice raised) I want you to start taking the homework seriously and get it done. There is no TV time till then.

DD – (with innocent face and tears ready to spill out at the twitch of a nose) You just don’t want me to enjoy my holidays. None of my friend’s mom does this to them.

Husband – (Casually flipping between channels) Don’t get so worked up. She will do it later.

It’s 1 day before the vacation begins

ME –  Why can’t you get the homework done. You can then enjoy the rest of the vacation without any worries.

DD – (Looking at the page and then turning to me in a huff) It’s only because of you that I can’t finish things on time. Why didn’t you remind me earlier!

ME – (Rolling my eyes) I give up!

Unlikely unwinding destinations


Indian Bloggers

The other day my daughter teased, “Hey Mom, now all of us will go out of the house in the morning, me and brother to school and dad to the office. You will be alone in the house.” While I muttered under my breath “You have no clue how desperately I have been waiting for this” Yup! With two kids your house is never quiet, especially as long as both are not in formal school. My younger one will start preschool this year and I have been so waiting for it. He in school will mean two hours of peace at home, well not exactly because I will be motoring through to finish chores and blog posts before he is back, but still it is better than not getting done anything in the whole day.

Unusual unwinding places

The Bathroom

If you are a mother of two, you know there is no peace or ‘me time’ anywhere in the house, except the bathroom. The bathroom is my hiding place when things are getting out of hand and I need a breather. When the going is good, I can actually think, maybe even read a book (at least a few pages) and check on my social media while in the bathroom. And then there are times when the moment I enter the bathroom one of them want something from the bathroom or have some questions that just can’t wait till I come out of the bathroom.

The Car

Another place is my car! I leave to pick the kids and take the longest possible route to have some ‘me time’ with music on. This helps me think, focus and even relax before the next rush hour starts. As it is with two kids, you are always running errands for one or the other, the best way to utilize that time is unwinding.

The Balcony

The balcony is another place where I like to unwind. When the kids are busy watching Television, I sneak in the balcony and do nothing. Just enjoy the fresh air, see the on-goings around and do absolutely nothing. So when I am really worked up, I turn on the kid’s channel (my kids won’t move an inch when that damn thing is turned on) and sneak out in the balcony. I know docs might not agree with TV time, but for my sanity, I need that break 😛
Do you have such unwinding places? What are those? I would love to be inspired.

😀


I am writing this post for #Barathon from Blogarhythm with the theme seven situations unique to a mother of two.

There is no dearth of Hugs and Kisses

Okay now, this is one mushy-mushy post! If you have two children, especially with one being a daughter, there is no dearth of kisses and hugs, seriously! My kids are always in a competition of who kisses and hugs the most. The beneficiary is ‘yours truly’ but at times it can have hilarious outcomes too.

Most of the times I enjoy those free, no frills attached hugs and kisses, however, there are times when they just go overboard. It usually starts with one hugging or kissing me, then suddenly the other one decides to outdo the other and gives double the hug or kiss, eventually making me beg them to stop!

Then there are times when the older one has hugged me and then she realizes that the younger one hasn’t so she murmurs into his ear that he should say ‘I love you Mama’ and hug me. The obedient sheep that my son is, he immediately sets about completing the task, only to realize that I am in the washroom. That’s when he will start calling out my name with urgency in his voice. I rush out only to find this guy leaning over the door and hugging me the moment I open the door.

At times my daughter has this urge of showing off in front of her friends. She doesn’t need a reason for it, it could be anything – something sent in the Tiffin, her project that I helped with or some class that I have allowed her to join. She will get out of the school bus and hug me saying ‘My mom did this and this, I love you momma’ and her friends will try and imitate her, thereby leading to a full blown hugging session at the bus stop, with all children hugging their mom’s.

The fun part is because my daughter has done this in front of my son, though she may outgrow it in a year or two, my son will probably continue it for some more time, thereby making me a very happy Mom!

Always ready with a hug or kiss

 

 

A house Spick and Span, What’s that?

My theme is seven and the series is seven situations unique to a mother of two

The fifth situation is that your house is never beautiful


So you are proud of your housekeeping skills? Are your homes good enough to be on the cover page of Good Homes? Chances are you don’t have two children under eight! If you have two children at home, forget about having a spick and span house. I know there are people who have two children and still manage to have a beautiful house, personally, I just believe they are superhumans and one in a million. For mere mortals like me, it’s a herculean and never ending task.

Nothing in it’s place

When the children are at home, there is hardly anything that is in its place. Toys will be found everywhere except the toy storage. Playing or not, they have to be on the floor! The moment you pick them up, one of them will come looking for it. If not toys, then even the kitchen utensils will do! In the morning rush hour when the tiffins need to go on time, my younger one has the urge to get the whole kitchen down!

house will be unclean and messy

PC- Pixabay

Twin’s or Children with less age gap

If you don’t want to be in the eye of a raging storm, never tell a mom of twins or with less age gap that her house isn’t that clean. The poor woman can only manage so much. I have friends who just wish to get done with the day and hit the bed as all they ever do in the initial years is feed, put to bed, soothe a crying baby or clean. The kids just keep going in cycles and without help, it’s a daunting task. Hell, with just one kid at a time, I am so disheveled, my house help looks better than me!

Age gap of four or more

If the age gap is more, it’s still not a better story. By the time you have taught your older child to put things in place, the younger one is old enough to throw them around, so basically your house is a perpetual mess till both of them are at least seven years old and that my friend is a long time. Currently, building house with pillows has caught my younger one’s fancy, so all the pillows in the house are in the living room at any given point in time. Why the living room you ask? Because cushions from the sofa are fundamental in making a good cushion/pillow house. My pleas, begging, shouting, even an occasional whack as resulted in zero improvements and now I have made peace with a pillow land that I call my living room.

 

I am linking this post to #BarAThon 2017 hosted by BlogARhythm

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You acquire new skills like being a detective and selective listening

My theme is seven and the series is seven situations unique to a mother of two

The third situation is where you acquire new skills like being a detective!


Yup! If you are a mom of two, you are a part detective. Once the kids grow old enough and learn the art of offering selective information you turn detective. It’s not like they wish to malign the other or have any darker motive; it’s simply the way how they see the situation or problem. The age I am talking about is 6+ years so it isn’t too far away.

mother's are a part detective

Initial Years

Till the younger one can’t figure things out, he is the usual culprit as by then the Child 1 has learned this art and is dying to try it out on someone, so the obvious scapegoat is his/her little sibling. Aren’t they younger? It’s their moral duty to be guinea pigs for all future experiments from older siblings seem to be the thought process. So right from ‘Who spilled the milk?’ to ‘Who latched the door?’ all fingers will point to the younger child and as the younger one is oblivious to this (and too young to argue) things will go smoothly. However, after one or two incidents, the detective in you will arise from his slumber and henceforth every incident will be scrutinized.

Later Years

By now child two will also hone his skills in selective information sharing. In these years, both will come to you with a fight and each will vociferously blame the other for the situation. So if the milk is spilt because the older one came rushing in and pushed the table, Kid 1 will see it as Kid 2’s fault as he didn’t drink it quick enough and is always lazing around and Kid 2 will see it as Kid 1 always runs around the house spoiling/spilling the younger one’s things… so on and so forth, you get the drift.

This is the time when a Mom earns the skills of selective listening. I blame both for their individual shortcomings and get them to clean up together. This helps not being sucked into another debate of ‘you always side with the other’ however be ready for a lot of whining where both discuss and declare that ‘Mom always finds ways to make us work!’ or any other colorful ideas that the children might be nursing on that particular day.

Linking this post to #BarAThon hosted by BlogARhythm 

 

Each child feels ignored

My theme is seven and the series is seven situations unique to a mother of two
The second situation is both the children feel they are ignored or not loved enough


Fighting the accusation You don't love me enough

 

If you are a mom of two, you have had this conversation quite a few times. Whatever the age gap both the children believe that they are ignored and how much ever you try convincing them otherwise, it will have no effect. You will just keep going round in circles with no results.

You Don’t Love Me Enough

This is the first allegation that you will counter once the new baby arrives. The first kid will feel left out, especially with the new baby’s feed – sleep cycle the older child will feel ‘mumma’ spends the most time with the baby and dad goes to work, so nobody cares for them. My kid had high expectations when the second one arrived. She assumed that we will take the baby to play area from day one and she could ‘play’ (read running and hide-n-seek with the baby) So, you can imagine her disappointment when she realized that all the baby did was eat – sleep- cry- repeat. Not even the cute smiles that television ads show-off! She even suggested that as the baby wasn’t doing much and was kinda boring we should think of returning him! As if babies come with a 30-day return policy!

Initially, I felt maybe I was doing something wrong and was to be blamed for this feeling in my older kid, but then I heard experiences from other mom’s and realized this is a natural phase that the child goes through. They require time to accept the presence of this new human being.

All good things happened when Bhaiyya was a baby!

This is what you will hear from the younger ones. There are more photos and videos of the older one, there are more celebrations, better toys (the younger one usually gets hand-me-down’s especially costly toys) Their ‘nakhras’ aren’t taken that seriously! Reason’s are numerous, but generally, it does happen. It doesn’t mean we love the younger child any less. It’s just that we have learned a few lessons in life.  But explaining that to the child is next to impossible.

Below is a conversation that three children in the age group of 5-7 were having at the school bus-stop. Two are older kids and the other is a younger sibling. “Kid 1 – Since the baby has arrived nobody seems to love me. Kid 2- Don’t worry! Things will be okay in a few days. Kid 3 (who is younger) – Yeah, don’t worry in a few months they won’t love that baby also!!”

It was funny to realize that children too discuss parents just as parents discuss their children! But it also made me realize that children do compare notes and try and use their friend’s advice at home, just like parents. So if my kid comes with this ‘You don’t love me enough story, with large innocent eyes, I know there is something else at play!’
So, if you are planning to have child two, brace yourself for many ‘Dhara Ad’ like moments! Remember the ad, where the child says ‘Sab gussa kar rahe hai, main ghar chod ke jaa raha hu!” You might feel all mushy, but also remember the kids are darn smart and do know how to play the emotional card.

I am linking this post to #BarAThon from Blogarhythm Season 2

Life of a referee

My theme is seven and the series is seven situations unique to a mother of two

The first situation that I am going to talk about today is being a referee


You must have heard that if there is a sister or a brother, you don’t need a friend and I have experienced the same first hand, so I can vouch for it, however, all this is true once the children are old enough to understand intense emotional feelings. Till then, for a mother, it’s a long career of being a referee or an umpire. The moment you become a mother, the second time you have to gear up for this position. It doesn’t matter if the kid 2 is only a baby and goes gaga, goo the whole day; there will be some obscure way by which your kid 1 is annoyed and you are summoned to ensure peace.

If the age difference isn’t much and they are either two girls or two boys, there is a different problem. Child 1 will automatically get territorial and there will be a verbal or non-verbal war about who owns Mumma! (read who gets the most attention) and somehow you end up doing a lot of explaining and cajoling of how the time and attention is being given equally to both. They won’t understand or accept however you will keep trying to avoid the house from falling around your ears.

A mother of two is more of a referee

If the age gap is enough where the older sibling is at an age where he can act responsibly, suddenly all the love and anticipation related to the arrival of child 2 will vanish and you will have to answer some weird questions, like “Who decided that I will get a baby brother?” “I don’t like this baby, please go and get it exchanged!” There won’t be open fights in such a scenario, but minor skirmish that you will know exactly who started but have no evidence to pinpoint! Yeah! Well, you even turn into a part detective, but more about it later. And if you try accusing one child of starting it, that child will sulk and other will blame you for hurting the sentiments!

So, you end up having a long career of being an umpire where your decisions are seen with suspicion, nobody is ever happy with you and somehow both believe that you favor the other as if this wasn’t a family but an India-Pakistan match!

Do you have two children? What have been your experiences?

I am writing this series and linking it up with Blogarhythm’s BARATHON 2nd edition