How to listen to your children and how to talk so that they will listen to you

Many parents find it difficult to set up good communication channels with their child. Many parents find that they spend the majority of their time yelling at their child in hopes to change their behavior. When a parent yells over many days, then the child starts to just tune it out. If this is happening in your home or you just want to communicate better with your child, then be sure to follow these tips.

Listening to Your Child

Use your body language to show your child that you are truly listening. Get down to their level so that your eyes can meet on the level.

You need to spend time actively listening to your child. Put down your phone, turn off the television and listen to what they are trying to tell you. Do not think about what you should say to your child, how petty their feelings seem to you or let yourself become distracted by side conversation or the multitude of things that you need to accomplish in the next hour. They will only be little for a short time and right now they need you to be their guide and mentor.

Use your body language to show your child that you are truly listening. Get down to their level so that your eyes can meet on the level. Nod occasionally to show that you are hearing them. Even if you disagree with what they are saying, let them talk until they take a natural break. If you find yourself becoming emotionally involved in a negative way, then take deep breaths allowing your child to continue until they are done talking.

Mimic back to the child what you hear them saying. For example, if they say that “Johnnie is no longer my friend because he threw a toy at me.” Then, repeat what you heard your child say. For example say, ” I hear you telling me that Johnnie threw a toy at you so you know longer want him to be your friend.” Ask your child if your summary is correct.

If there are any points that are unclear to you, ask your child to clarify them. In addition, if you are having trouble figuring out a particular word, then repeat the sentence back to the child word for word. You will benefit from knowing exactly what your child says, and they will benefit from hearing the word said correctly.

As parents, we often want to rush in and fix a situation when all your child wants is to tell you about it. Therefore, after your child has told you about an event, ask them what they want to do about it. If your child wants you to get involved, then he will let you know. Otherwise, ask questions of your child until they have created a responsible game plan that they are willing to follow.

Give your child time to follow the game plan that they have created. Then, ask them about what happened. This lets your child know that you were listening, that you truly care and that you are proud of them for creating a reasonable plan and carrying through with it.

Getting Your Child to Listen to You

 

If you have asked your child to do something and they have failed to do it, then do not repeat yourself at a higher volume as the child will turn you out even more. When possible, pick a time to talk to the child when they are not busy doing something else. Make sure that you never belittle them in front of their friends. Start by getting down on their level, and make sure that you do not begin until you have their full attention.

Keep the message short and to the point. Too many parents dilute the message by using too many words. You are the parent, and you have the right to tell your child what to do as long as you are being reasonable. Make sure to use words that they will understand.

Ask the child if they have any questions about what you told them. Even if you are in a hurry, take the time to answer any questions using words that they will comprehend. Then, ask them to repeat back to you what you have said using their own words. Taking this step helps ensure that they have listened and that they understand what you want them to know or do.

Communicating with children takes time, but they are your main priority. Take the time to communicate with them effectively, and they will take this skill with them through the rest of their lives.

Found this helpful Infographic on Growing Hands on Kids

 pick a time to talk to the child when they are not busy doing something else.

This is a guest post written by Erica Johnson, who writes about parenting and family

It definitely seemed as if the best gynecologist in Delhi could be found at Sitaram Bhartia Institute of Science and Research

How to take care of your pregnant wife

We always fuss around a pregnant woman and her needs, however do we give enough thought to what goes on in her husband’s mind? It is his first time too! Frankly, I never gave this a thought when I was pregnant but when my friend mentioned it with concern in his voice; I suddenly realized the gravity of the situation.

Atul my best buddy and a family friend moved to Delhi around 10 months back. It was a great opportunity and he didn’t want to miss it. We were all super thrilled about the big promotion and the great opportunity that he got. Things were sailing smooth, when one day Atul’s wife Priya called up informing that they were pregnant.

How to take care of your pregnant wife

 

As Delhi was a new city, it was decided that she would deliver back in Pune where there are enough people to support and help. Knowing and trusting doctors also was an important reason for this decision. We were eagerly awaiting the due date and preparations were underway to help the new mom and the baby at her parent’s home, however trouble started when in the seventh month, Priya was advised against any kind of travel. There was also a fear that she might be asked to take complete bedrest.

The sudden change in the situation meant looking for a hospital in Delhi for child-birthing. It also meant ensuring Priya has enough help till pregnancy. Suddenly everything was overwhelming! While I was regularly talking to Priya and knew her state of mind, it was a revelation when Atul called up late one night with obvious concern in his voice. His words “I understand Priya is scared and so am I, but I genuinely want to help and I don’t know what to do? I am at work most of the day and am worried sick about Priya”

I decided to help him in any way I could and the first important task was to help him zero in on a hospital that we all can trust. I did a quick search online and enquired around for some suggestions. The one name that kept popping up was Sitaram Bhartia Institute of Science and Research. Their facilities and track record was amazing with 88% of first birth, low risk moms having a normal delivery in 2016!

They had a lot of helpful content and programs like Antenatal classes, Infant care workshop etc. for parents to be. Looking around, I found their doctors profiles and experience and was quiet impressed with it. It definitely seemed as if the best gynecologist in Delhi could be found here. By this time; I could sense all the fear melting away! I quickly messaged Atul with the details. He called back in 15 minutes, thanking me for relieving him of all his fears.

A dad to be can find great advice on how to support his wife better through various blog posts on Sitaram Bhartia Institute of Science and Research

As a dad to be, he found great advice on how to support his wife better through their various blog posts! Atul and his family were over the moon and I was happy that I could be of some help to my best buddy! Their experience so far has been amazing with quality care, supportive staff and highly qualified doctors. The personal care and attention to their queries has made the couple well-prepared for the new arrival.

 

Few important things that the doctors mentioned about caring for a pregnant wife were

  • Go with her for all the check-up’s and ultra-sound. You will know first-hand about the condition and care to be taken.
  • Pregnancy leads to a lot of hormonal changes; hence your wife might feel lethargic or be restless. Understand her and be supportive of her.
  • Before meeting the doctor for the appointment talk about your queries or doubts with your wife, ask her to tell you her fears or worries. This will help both be on the same page and act as a mental support to your wife.
  • Attend antenatal classes with your wife to understand the changes she undergoes. These classes will also help you be better prepared on baby’s arrival.
  • Help your wife exercise. Go for walks with her. If she is feeling lethargic, motivate her to walk for atleast 30 minutes a day.
  • If you are travelling for work or have long hours away from home, make it a point to call her regularly. Message to check if she is eating small meals in between. These things will help her build a routine and not skip meals.
  • Talk to experienced doctors to understand how you can make small lifestyle changes to try for normal deliveries.

I found this information extremely helpful, what about you? How did your husband help you while you were pregnant? Were you in a situation where pregnancy overwhelmed you? Do share in comments below.

Unique activities to keep children engaged in Christmas vacation #GuestPost

If the winter cold wasn’t sending chills down your spine – maybe the fact that the kids are going to be home soon for winter holidays, will! December is synonymous with Christmas season and holiday time, isn’t it? It always so nice to relax and not having to get up early on wintry mornings!  The only damper on a perfect holiday spirit can be your child whining – I’m Bored!

So, fret not mommies! Here is a list of awesome and unique Christmas activities that will keep your kiddos engaged during the Christmas vacations! Some Christmas themed and some general for a healthy mix!

Interview a grandparent

A nice activity for teenagers, though even a 10 or an 11 year old could do it. Dada, dadi, nana, nani – are usually so lonely – but so full of memories of their yesteryear’s. And who loves a good story more than kids?

It’s a win win! Get your child to record or note down an interview with any grandparent or even an uncle or aunt about their childhood and “unka jamana”. It’s an eye opener for children as they learn how people managed without so many comforts that we enjoy today.

Once it’s done you can “publish” it on your blog (if you have one) or on a paper and circulate among family and friends. And don’t forget to add some photos! That’ll be another activity to keep them busy – help grandpa or grandma look for the old photos!

Christmas Camping

Who’d want to go out camping in this cold weather, right? So just set up a play tent inside the house! It’ll be great if the colors are red and green – but not necessary. Let the kiddos use it as a Christmas holiday fort or castle for games and pretend play. They could even do a fancy dress up activity like a knight defending his fort. Or who knows – they may just want to curl up in it with a book! A mother can hope, no?

Bored Jar

I guess this should be the first activity you can make them do! Make a bored jar so that they can use it throughout the holidays! Let your children learn to entertain and occupy themselves, instead of you sitting and planning out activities. Take a jar and stick on notes and ask your kiddos to write whichever activities they like doing and put them all together in a jar. The next time you hear the words “I’m Bored” you know what to pull out! Add as many art and craft activities as you can into the jar.

Make a bored jar so that they can use it throughout the holidays.

Bored Jar Image Credit

Secret Santa

Why should only mommy and daddy play Santa with the gifts? Put chits with all your names and let each family member create little surprises or get gifts for others over the entire holiday period. You can then do a big reveal on Christmas Eve to see who was who’s Secret Santa.

Magazine Scavenger Hunt

While kids love and enjoy a good treasure or scavenger hunt, winters is a time everyone wants to curl up. So give them a bunch of old magazines and a long, long list  of pictures you “need” cut out from the magazine. Add things like 2 pictures of red cars, a man and woman wearing glasses, someone wearing a red tie or a red dress. Or you could even slip in a picture of Santa or an elf and add that to the list. Let them curl up in bed and get busy. Have a small reward ready for them if they manage to complete the list.

Make a Paper Christmas Tree

Not exactly unique – but what would Christmas be without a tree- you tell me? If you’re short on space or don’t want an actual tree you can have a simple yet unique take on the X-mas tree like the mom in the picture has done! Eazzy Peazzy! I think this would keep the kids occupied for a good couple of hours, no?

What activities do you plan for your kids during the holidays? How do you handle your children when they say I’m bored during Christmas holidays? Share below!

f you’re short on space or don’t want an actual tree you can have a simple yet unique take on the X-mas tree

Christmas Tree Image Credit

Author Bio

Anjana Bhartia is a mommy blogger at MommyRepublic.in 

Ways to Deal with Online Gaming and Mobile Addiction among Teens – Guest Post


Top post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers

We all use computers and mobile phones. Sometimes it’s for work, sometimes for fun, but the problem arises when our children start overusing the Internet for online gaming and visiting social networks. Luckily, if you realize your teenager has a problem, there are ways to help them.

Limit the use of technology

Don’t forbid it, because it will only cause them to rebel and they will find a way to go online without you knowing. Instead, limit it so that your child is allowed to spend some time online every day, but be sure you’re in control and you know exactly when your child is playing online games or visiting social media. Talk to your child and explain why it’s important for them not to spend too much time online. Tell them that they would be given a reasonable amount of time for gaming and chatting with their friends online, but encourage them to spend more time with their friends without technology. Suggest social games, teach them how to play cards, Monopoly or Risk and they will soon realize that their computers and phones aren’t the only things they enjoy.

Photo credit Pexel


Include the whole family

Limiting the use of social media alone won’t be enough if you don’t find your child something else to do, too. However, be careful with your choice of activities. Teenagers don’t really want to spend time doing chores. They will usually find excuses not to do them and go online instead, so you need to make the work look like fun. This can easily be achieved if you set a good example and do the chores along with them. If your child sees the whole family cheerfully doing something together, they will perceive it as quality family time. Begin with simple tasks, such as decluttering and tidying things in your home, since that way it’s possible for each family member to participate. Get rid of anything unnecessary, such as old toys or clothes they’ve outgrown. Organize everything in boxes using home gadgets like a label maker and donate it. Be sure to do it together, to create the sense of teamwork. These seemingly simple activities have a positive impact on the whole family. They will not only distract your teenager from social networks and online gaming, but will bring you all closer together.

Spend time outdoors

Find parks or walking tracks near you and go trekking or have a picnic. Spend every weekend outside with your children, go on field trips and show them there’s fun to be had without the use of technology. Go sightseeing. Wherever you live, there has to be something significant or beautiful there that your child hasn’t seen yet. If possible, get your child a dog. Gather your family, go to a shelter together, and choose a dog for adoption. Your child will know that you value their opinion if you let them decide. This will make your teenager happy, teach them about responsibilities and give them a reason to spend more time outside.

Do sports

Find a sport your child likes and have them take it up. It doesn’t even have to be a team sport. Whatever they choose to practice, it will keep them away from their computers and phones. It will also give them the opportunity to meet other children their age and with similar interests, which will probably make them want to spend more time with their peers. Plus, your child will be healthier and happier if they’re physically active. Attend their games, matches or competitions and cheer for them. It will show them you’re proud of them and give them more incentive to keep up what they’re doing.

As parents, our main duty is to do everything we can for our child to be healthy and happy. So, pay attention to your teenager’s habits, be sure to catch the signs of addiction as soon as possible and solve the problems you have together, as a family. And always find time to talk to your child and let them know they always have your support.

author Bio

Claire is a personal and professional development expert who believes that a positive attitude is one of the keys to success. You can find her online writing and giving tips about lifestyle and development as a regular contributor at highstylife.com.

You can connect with her on 

facebook.com/clairenadams

twitter.com/adamsnclaire

You acquire new skills like being a detective and selective listening

My theme is seven and the series is seven situations unique to a mother of two

The third situation is where you acquire new skills like being a detective!


Yup! If you are a mom of two, you are a part detective. Once the kids grow old enough and learn the art of offering selective information you turn detective. It’s not like they wish to malign the other or have any darker motive; it’s simply the way how they see the situation or problem. The age I am talking about is 6+ years so it isn’t too far away.

mother's are a part detective

Initial Years

Till the younger one can’t figure things out, he is the usual culprit as by then the Child 1 has learned this art and is dying to try it out on someone, so the obvious scapegoat is his/her little sibling. Aren’t they younger? It’s their moral duty to be guinea pigs for all future experiments from older siblings seem to be the thought process. So right from ‘Who spilled the milk?’ to ‘Who latched the door?’ all fingers will point to the younger child and as the younger one is oblivious to this (and too young to argue) things will go smoothly. However, after one or two incidents, the detective in you will arise from his slumber and henceforth every incident will be scrutinized.

Later Years

By now child two will also hone his skills in selective information sharing. In these years, both will come to you with a fight and each will vociferously blame the other for the situation. So if the milk is spilt because the older one came rushing in and pushed the table, Kid 1 will see it as Kid 2’s fault as he didn’t drink it quick enough and is always lazing around and Kid 2 will see it as Kid 1 always runs around the house spoiling/spilling the younger one’s things… so on and so forth, you get the drift.

This is the time when a Mom earns the skills of selective listening. I blame both for their individual shortcomings and get them to clean up together. This helps not being sucked into another debate of ‘you always side with the other’ however be ready for a lot of whining where both discuss and declare that ‘Mom always finds ways to make us work!’ or any other colorful ideas that the children might be nursing on that particular day.

Linking this post to #BarAThon hosted by BlogARhythm 

 

Let’s Agree to Disagree

She walked in with a huff! How could you? she scorned looking at me. What are you talking about? I asked a little perplexed. It was Friday fun box, couldn’t you give something fun? I eat the healthy stuff everyday, why couldn’t you give me junk food or instant noodles for tiffin she shouted. My friends made fun of me, she said while being on the verge of tears. All I could do was hug her! “Darling eating healthy home cooked food isn’t bad. It will be beneficial for you. Besides I did give you home cooked pasta”, I tried reasoning with her. But she was beyond reason. Tiffin food was one of the points that we disagreed on.

As she walked off, I realized we disagreed on a lot of stuff. Reflecting on my days as a daughter and remembering my friends relationships with their mom’s, disagreement seemed like a pattern, a constant fix if you will in any mother-daughter relation. In my younger days, it didn’t matter much as all of them had the same stories. Oh! Mom never understands, or mom’s too strict were the common exclamations among us. Mom’s weren’t supposed to be sugary-sweet. Also, I don’t think kids had a say when it came to tiffin, study timings etc.

Today there are disagreement on simple things like clothes to wear, food to eat, shows to watch, study timings, etc. and the list is endless. Add to it the mushy ads and serials that show a near perfect mother with a ‘sarva gun sampanna’ daughter and I end up feeling like I am losing the plot. I used to imagine that I will end up being this old lonely woman whose kids never visit her or remember her because she chose their well being over peer pressure or show-off.

I know that’s a little over dramatic, but hey, it’s my blog! I can be dramebaaz here 😛 Then All Out made this badass mom Advert and I was so thrilled. It was as if I found a validation to my PhD theses.

My daughter saw this ad and she said,” yeah, that’s you! So you will be the ‘Satark’ Mom, who will be worried about me and stand by me when I face any problems!” And I loved the sound of that. I am okay if my daughter isn’t the most obedient daughter in the world, but I will feel extremely hurt if she isn’t a free thinking, independent individual who isn’t scared to voice her opinion. I want my child to think of me as the first person she can turn to if she is facing a problem. I want her to believe that her mom can help her and if not help her, will atleast stand by her in her times of trouble because let’s face it, life isn’t always rosy.

Now I sleep in peace. I have realized that its okay to disagree. I have nothing against people who have found that perfect balance and never have any bone of contention with their children. I am not there yet and I do work hard on it everyday,but I have also realized that working on it doesn’t mean giving into things that are not good for her.

We don’t let it get vicious or hurtful but we have come to realize that I can never be the TV projected ever smiling mom nor will my daughter be the picture perfect daughter. We voice our opinions and discuss all things under the sun, but  we also agreed to disagree.

Confessions of a Mom of Two

I am a mom of two. Anyone expecting a mushy, joyous Johnson baby advertisement kinds of anecdotes or stories, should quit reading right away.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So, I am a mother of two and am on a continuous guilt trip! Not joking, and the fact that it feels like a roller coaster ride doesn’t help! Who do you tell? How the hell do super mom’s or the many “We have it all together” Mom’s manage it is beyond me. One thing is for sure, my respect towards my mother has grown manifolds since I became a Mom,especially the second time.

frustrated mom

My day is roughly like this – during the morning school rush, if I get pushy with my kid number 1 to get things done quickly, I am scorned upon and at times blasted with ” You never understand what I want” or “You never do this to kid 2,”  and this from a kid who has barely entered Primary school.

As kid 1 goes to school making grumpy faces, I start my guilt trip which usually result in concluding that probably I am not doing enough for kid 1. Just as I get into a defensive mode and try pep talks about how I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, kid 2 waltz in and promptly falls or does something similar. I kick myself for letting it happen and though the kid no.2 can hardly talk, his teary eyes with a cute smile are enough to send me on a guilt trip. I mean when a kid looks at you as if you are ‘the most perfect’ thing it has ever seen, how do you not feel guilty! And the saga continues from dawn to dusk.

Over the years, I have understood two things – the first borns are usually more pampered. You care more for them since they are born, they are used to constant attention, however, it is also true that they are the most experimented species. As first-time parents, there are many things you are not aware of. At times you try anything and everything that people around you suggest and then there are times when you prefer to ignore the good old tips from granny and act all knowing (after Googling stuff!) Either way, it’s the kid that get’s affected.

With kid no2, you start off with an assumption that you are a pro and now you know everything, however, what we tend to forget is all kids are different and the situations we faced during the first time might not repeat themselves. Also the fact that your enthusiasm and energy are at an all-time low, the second born misses out on a few stuff. Like recording things- for first kid you have the recordings of things like first poop, first yawn, etc. however for the second kid, even milestones, like walking and talking might not get recorded. It’s not intentional, you are trying to manage the house, office, kid 1 schooling etc, and you somehow miss out. But it happens! Same goes for 1st-year birthday parties- usually, firstborns get a big fancy birthday party complete with special cake, games, treats etc. It doesn’t matter if the kid does not understand anything or the fact that in most pics the kid looks like he/she is on the verge of crying.  The second kid should be happy if he gets anything close to a decent birthday party.

Over the years, these small things add up and make you feel extremely guilty when you look at either kid and these thoughts are heightened when you meet some super moms. I know it and I do feel that way. But a wise old lady told me once ” These things don’t matter in the long run. You can fight, you can cry and be angry, but at the end, if your kids come up to you and share their joys and their sorrows and you see love for you in their eyes, you have done a good job! So all mommies out there, take a bow and never ever feel low. You are doing an extremely good job and let nobody tell you otherwise – even your own self!