I am a mom of two. Anyone expecting a mushy, joyous Johnson baby advertisement kinds of anecdotes or stories, should quit reading right away. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So, I am a mother of two and am on a continuous guilt trip! Not joking, and the fact that it feels like a roller coaster ride doesn’t help! Who do you tell? How the hell do super mom’s or the many “We have it all together” Mom’s manage it is beyond me. One thing is for sure, my respect towards my mother has grown manifolds since I became a Mom,especially the second time.
My day is roughly like this – during the morning school rush, if I get pushy with my kid number 1 to get things done quickly, I am scorned upon and at times blasted with ” You never understand what I want” or “You never do this to kid 2,” and this from a kid who has barely entered Primary school.
As kid 1 goes to school making grumpy faces, I start my guilt trip which usually result in concluding that probably I am not doing enough for kid 1. Just as I get into a defensive mode and try pep talks about how I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, kid 2 waltz in and promptly falls or does something similar. I kick myself for letting it happen and though the kid no.2 can hardly talk, his teary eyes with a cute smile are enough to send me on a guilt trip. I mean when a kid looks at you as if you are ‘the most perfect’ thing it has ever seen, how do you not feel guilty! And the saga continues from dawn to dusk.
Over the years, I have understood two things – the first borns are usually more pampered. You care more for them since they are born, they are used to constant attention, however, it is also true that they are the most experimented species. As first-time parents, there are many things you are not aware of. At times you try anything and everything that people around you suggest and then there are times when you prefer to ignore the good old tips from granny and act all knowing (after Googling stuff!) Either way, it’s the kid that get’s affected.
With kid no2, you start off with an assumption that you are a pro and now you know everything, however, what we tend to forget is all kids are different and the situations we faced during the first time might not repeat themselves. Also the fact that your enthusiasm and energy are at an all-time low, the second born misses out on a few stuff. Like recording things- for first kid you have the recordings of things like first poop, first yawn, etc. however for the second kid, even milestones, like walking and talking might not get recorded. It’s not intentional, you are trying to manage the house, office, kid 1 schooling etc, and you somehow miss out. But it happens! Same goes for 1st-year birthday parties- usually, firstborns get a big fancy birthday party complete with special cake, games, treats etc. It doesn’t matter if the kid does not understand anything or the fact that in most pics the kid looks like he/she is on the verge of crying. The second kid should be happy if he gets anything close to a decent birthday party.
Over the years, these small things add up and make you feel extremely guilty when you look at either kid and these thoughts are heightened when you meet some super moms. I know it and I do feel that way. But a wise old lady told me once ” These things don’t matter in the long run. You can fight, you can cry and be angry, but at the end, if your kids come up to you and share their joys and their sorrows and you see love for you in their eyes, you have done a good job! So all mommies out there, take a bow and never ever feel low. You are doing an extremely good job and let nobody tell you otherwise – even your own self!